Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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