So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
