How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
