I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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