My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize