Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
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