I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
