I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
