I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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