My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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