but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
