My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
please don't ironically join a cult
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