Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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