i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
