first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
