It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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