some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
