She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
