My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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