she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
