remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
