i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
