thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
