I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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