If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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