I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
