We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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