On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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