At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
