I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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