We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
