Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
