i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
