Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
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