mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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