We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
