dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
