Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
