dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize