You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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