you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
