omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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