wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
