Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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