there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
