Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
