I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
