when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
