There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
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