conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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