So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
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