I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't put those talents on a resume
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
