Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
