I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize