did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
