so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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