I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
