the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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