We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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