Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
