i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
