this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
