dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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