Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
