I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
