My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
