If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
