oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize