my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
