My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Even my vagina gasped.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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