Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Randomize
