We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
