her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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