Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
