don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
