we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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