He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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