Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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