bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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