Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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