First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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