I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize