He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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