Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
