I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
God I need to hump something, right now.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
