what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
