I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
