Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
