I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
