Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I want a musical about memes.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
