She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
