you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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