Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
