marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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