I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
