i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
