Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
