i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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