He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
