Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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