Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize