I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
