Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
