I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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