I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
